Hope 希
by rianima
Summary: HanChul Fanfiction  Hangeng - Heechul from Super Junior    Not all is simple to understand..
1. chapter 1: foreign country

_Chapter 1:__ foreign country_

.Hee.

All the boys were strangely relaxed and happy on the plane. Not that the group were going on holiday but after the Tokyo concert, they were going to have about two day of break. I really didn't t know why I was this excited.. I looked around me studying what the other were doing..  
Leeuteuk, and Eunhyuk were babbling about some b-boy video on youtube, Sungmin and Ryeowook were chatting in the most distant seats, Yesung were sleeping on Kibum shoulders with him brushing his hair, about the same was for Kyuhyun and Donghae.  
Shindong, Kanging and Siwon were by themselves doing what they want.  
After turning my head on the left I saw the last member sleeping right next to me. Hangeng just had a loss of stamina the past week so he was restoring his body with his arms crossed.  
He was wearing his typical clothes: jeans, skinny t-shirt and a light military jacket on the top. Too many pendents were hanging on his neck.. Maybe too much for me but, with them, he looks always good.  
My eyes stopped on the thin and little gold circle with some Chinese characters that were wrapping his wrist a little too much. I know that this was one gift from his Chinese fans and he wear it every day.  
Sometimes I really wonder about that how would be wonderful to be this bracelet.  
Fastly I sweep away those thoughts and knob the head down to myself. I had to stop. I didn't know what was happening with me lately.  
Five and half hours after we leave from Seoul, the plane land to Narita Airport in Tokyo. Hangeng were still asleep until the metallic voice of the captain announced that the flight had finished.  
**"Mmmh, Japan?"** he said with low and a bit throaty voice. I simply nodded smiling at his drowsy eyes.  
Two black vans were waiting for us just out the airport but there were already tons of fans pressing the security guard around us screaming and yelling.  
I smiled automatically to them but cursing in my head those annoying squeals..Only Siwon and Leeuteuk really care about some girls giving them some autographs.  
Hangeng covered his face with a big scarf, a red woolen hat and one of his favorite pair of sunglasses.  
In the chaos I was separated from him and Kibum sat next to me.  
As we arrived in the little flat everybody took their time and place for unpack bags; the order for the room was about the same of the dorm in Seoul. The apartment was really beautiful; the living room was simple and modern with two long brown leather couches and a big TV on the opposite wall.  
All the rooms had different style, the first near the entrance was like Occidental stile with high bed and bright colors, that was for Leeuteuk, Eunhyuk and Shingdong; the second was the biggest, it had a circle blue carpet in the middle and four large beds which were already occupied by Yesung, Kibum, Sungmin and Ryeowook.  
The other two was respectively in modern and Japanese style. The last room was mine, Kangin and Hangeng s. Siwon obviously had chosen the modern room with Kyuhyun and Donghae.  
I tried my futon noticing that it was actually really comfortable.  
**"I like this style"** I commented smiling.  
Kangin nodded throwing himself on his bed and poured out of his bag the entire contents. Hangeng sat to the futon by mine smiling tired and touching the soft blanket.  
**"I like futon"** said him simply. I like his ways of speaking: directly, simple. I don t know that it s because of his difficulty on Korean language or for his character but, I really like it.  
**"Yeah, me too."** I smiled at him but then I noticed my full bag.**"NNHH.. Hankyuuuuung" **I lamented **"I reaaally hate unpack. Can you help me? "** Yes, I was arrogant. Yes, I like to be like that with him. That s because he always did what I said.

**"Mh?..Oh..Yeah" **answer him silently bringing my bag and starting pulling out all my things.  
**"Xi xie" **I thanked him in my selfishly Chinese. I stretched catty like in front of him blabbering about my stomach on being hungry.  
**"What do you want?"** He asked me standing up rolling his eyes.  
**"Mhh.. Rice with.. Prawns!"** Kangin interrupted our conversation for make his own order to Hangeng that, scrolling his shoulders, left the room.  
The day after our arrive, the rehearse for the concert started. We had to learn new choreography in Korea and then we were practing it on the stage. In the afternoon we had the transformation for the new concepts for the concert.  
The beauty salon was arranged for us 13 at about 3 pm. After an hour and a half I had short pitchy black hair with a really long fringe covering one of my eyes and most of the other. I liked it but my mind went blank seeing new Hangeng s look.  
He returned to platinum white hair mohawked with shaved sides. He was really alike the first period. He was gorgeous!  
Saw me staring at him, he approached me smiling proudly and jokingly.  
**"I am white again!" **He laughed touching my fringe **"I like yours too Hee".**  
Embarrassed I shoved away his hand and shook my head **"I don t like you like this ".** I lied cowardly making a teasing tone. Then, again, like always when I lie to him, his eyes darkened for an instant and his smile disappeared.  
**"I like Siwonnie the most"** I joked pulling Siwon to me and kissing him near the lips. Hangeng didn't even answer but Leeuteuk pass by me glancing quite madly **"You have to always been like this?".  
"Yeah, I'm like that"** after turning away from them I returned to my iPod cursing myself.  
On the way to the flat Hangeng seems to avoid me and also sat distant. I didn't think that he would take those words so serious.  
At home, bored from his behavior I attacked him from behind in our room, hugging his shoulders.  
**"Hannn~~nng! Don't be mad at meeee!"** I said childishly jiggling my head and trying to kiss his cheek.  
**"Stop it!"** bursted him out abruptly moving fast apart from me. **"I'm too tired of your stupid joke!"** For his fast turn, I slipped on the carpet and fell on my futon grazing an elbow **"Ouch! But.. What are you doing!"**

**"I do what I want to do."** He answered coldly, his short words where harsh "**You are really.. ziwozhuiyzhi!..Sel-selfish!You only think about yourself! You give fucking nothing for others!"** He looked at me so damned serious **"Me included".**  
Angrily Hangeng left the room slamming the door and ignoring my shocked self still frost on the bed.  
Siwon entered alarmed by the scream and asked me what happened **"What did you do?"**.  
**"I.. nothing.. I really.." **Words couldn't come out. But tears did.  
For all the evening the guys tried to contact him but he was disappeared. Only at 2am he sends a message to Leeuteuk saying that he would come directly to the backstage for the interview and the fan meeting.  
This didn't t comfort me. Rather, his empty bed only made me more and more sad. At 5am in the morning I was still awake tossing in the blanket.


	2. chapter 2: fan meeting

_Chapter 2: fan meeting_

.Hang.

I didn't really know what the fucking was going on into me. I regret my behavior with Hee the instant I escaped from the flat. But, really, he had to be like that every single moment? And with everybody?  
At the begin, in Korea, I didn't get a sense of the fan service thing but, with time, I learned.  
However one thing changed, I changed. My way of living changed. And for the first time of my life I was taking care of a person not out of courtesy but, because I really wanted to do. And, obviously, I became jealous.  
I knew his totally and frustrating personality but I couldn't stop myself on being furious when he touches anybody else.  
For the night I found a cheap hotel where I spend the hours thinking.  
The morning after, half asleep I arrived at the studio Uta where the leader wrote me to go. The others weren't arrived yet so I collapsed on an uncomfortable seat after taking a hot coffee. My eyes were almost closed when some noise woke me up again.

**"Hangeng!"** Siwon arrived first with a worried look on the face **"Are you ok?"  
"Yeah, don't worry. Sorry for yesterday" **I apologized for the trouble also when Leeuteuk arrived.  
**"No problem Eagle."** Siwon smile.  
**"It's time to prepare" **Announced the leader grabbing Eunhyuk's arms and dragging him into the makeup room.  
I was going in when Heechul arrived. He looked at me with unfamiliar eyes and lowered his head standing there, at the end of the corridor.  
I really wanted to say something but the image of him kissing Siwon was already in my mind so I just went inside the room.  
After that moment, the time blowed off with makeup, styling and clothes. The screams of the fans could reach also the inside of the building and the time of fan meeting arrived.  
Waves and waves of girls and boys run over our tables chatting, screaming and yelling of emotion.  
There was assigned position. As always I sat between Siwon and Heechul in the table. He really didn't say a single word except that for fans. He seemed really tired but I wasn't too arrogant to think that it was for me.  
I simply decided to ignore him as he did. But that made me go crazy in poor time.  
It was almost at the end when I feel his hand touching my arm; my heart skipped a bit and my eyes filled up his in an instant.  
**"What?" **My stupid tongue made the words seem too hard.  
**"Uh.."** I was shocked when he looked hurt from my tone **"It s ok to talk later?"** He asked with his head down.  
**"Yeah.. sure"** I answered firmly. My impulse was to take his hand and hug him but, again, I had to stop.  
The remaining time passed by more slowly than normal. I only wanted to clarify with him.  
Then, my wishes were heard. After the goodbyes and the thanks for fans I grabbed his forearm and vanished in the dressing room. Inside, I turned to him holding his shoulders.

**"I'm** **sorry, I should not have done it yesterday. I was.. just.. a bit angry"** I excused. He looked in my eyes and for a moment his uncaring mask collapsed.  
**"Nh.. It's ok. I told you that I don't like you now"** he seems thinking **"but.. really, I like you like this.."** he smiled shamefully.  
I nodded thanking him. **"Then, all is ok now?"  
"Yeah.."** He answered just before the other entered in the room. Leeuteuk studied us understanding that now was returned all to its place. Maybe, not really all.. my heart was still beating irregular for the words -I like you..- .  
The days after that small quarrel passed clear and naturally.

We all were waiting for the longing break after the concert. But, for the moment, we had to concentrate for ours fans.  
Finally the day of the big show arrived. I woke up early than Hee as always. He was still asleep so I could watch him for long minutes.. His short hair were all over his peacefully face curling freely on the pillow, his eyes were closed and I clearly could hear his breathing rhythm.  
My eyes stopped on his lips, they were a bit dry for the long night without his bright tongue passing on them. I had to stop myself in recalling his soft lips just moistened, before my body start to react.  
A cold shower was perfect to clear my mind. Instead, Heechul's invasion in the bathroom didn't help..  
**"Nihao.."** He said rubbing his tired eyes in his simply Chinese, **"Aish .. I m so~~ tired "..  
"You did not sleep well?"** I went next to him at the sink with a black towel around my hips. He nodded while finished brushing his teeth.  
I was drying my hair with another towel when he started to undress slowly.. It wasn't unusual but I couldn't stop myself to studying his smooth back and his fairly pale skin.  
**"You are too thin"** I commented without letting him know that I was concerned..  
**"Mh.. They want me to lose 3kg more"** He answers pinching his invisible tummy and make a little babyish grimace.  
**"I don't think is a good idea"..  
"Mhh.. then.."** he came close to me clinging to my neck **"..make me breakfast!"** he took advantage smiling. I snorted but obeyed. Maybe he noticed how fast I slipped out of the bathroom and away from his naked body.  
But, at least, he appreciates my cooking skills.

Few hours later all Suju were ready in the backstage for the start of the show.  
All were calm and concentrated. We showed our best skill on the stage and the fans went crazy. When we sang U everybody sang along and it was really overwhelming and exciting.  
Each of us had a solo or a duo part. Me and Hee had an r&b duo with piano base: it was perfect. I love his voice and his nearness in the performance. However I was waiting for some fan-service from him but, there weren't.  
He simply stood next to me clinging to my arm and sometimes grazed his hand into mine. I started to ask myself the cause of this only at home, at late night.  
It was strange that I didn't collapse on the bed after that long day as everyone else but, my mind was full of question.  
As I could remember, and I remember every single time he touched me, he always searched for fan service in live but, lately, he didn't.  
Just before I fell asleep one last thought was in my mind: was only with me that he stopped the fan service? That was enough to make me wake up badly.


	3. chapter 3: waiting

_Chapter 3: waiting_

.Hee.

**"Heechul.. Heechul!"**  
I heard a voice waking me up. It wasn't the usual.  
**"Kangin?"** I asked hiding from the light under the pillow. I didn't want to be waking by him.  
**"Yeah, I'm going with Shindong and Donghae to the combini before leaving for Narita"** They were going back to Korea to their family.  
**"Where's Hang?"** I asked not listening on what he was saying.  
**"He went out"** After, I heard the sound of the door and Kangin steps moving away, I surfaced form the blanket. It was nearly 12am.  
My stomach growled asking for food and my feet bring me in the kitchen. The flat was empty: Siwon, Leeuteuk and Eunhyuk the night before, after the show, leave for a shooting in another town; Sungmin, Ryeowook, Yesung, Kyuhyun and Kibum were in an adventure park. I refused all invites wishing to be alone with Hang but he already left without saying a word.

I became angry to myself. This wasn't me. I really shouldn't care this much about him. At least not too much.  
Snorting I got dressed and left the house. I didn't really know where I was going but my feet drove me.  
At least I spend all day in a games house mumbling at myself.  
When I was returning home I found 3 messages and 5 calls on my phone from Hang.  
**"I'm ho~~~me!"** I said to the empty living room.  
**"Hee!"** Hangeng came out the kitchen with a strange expression. Seeing him make me a bit angry again.  
**"What?"** I answered surly raising an eyebrow. He didn't answer straight after.  
**"Na.. Nothing, go take a shower. I made dinner"** He seems to surrender. I looked at the dining table: there were two full bowls of fried noodles with shrimps.  
Me, my stupid being, shook the shoulders nonchalant **"I m not hungry, du bu qi".**

.Hang.

I went out early for make some shopping. I wanted to make a special lunch for Hee. We were alone all the day at home.  
I returned about 12.30 am. I tough that he was still sleeping but his bed was empty and the entire dorm too. I waited about an hour for him to return but he didn't.  
I tried to call or reach him but he wasn't answering his phone. I was going crazy. Surrendered I put the ice-cream in the refrigerator and silently waited him in the kitchen.  
**"I'm ho~~~me!"** I heard finally.  
**"Hee!"** I didn't know how to be: angry or encouraged.  
**"What?"** He answered badly with an eyebrow raised. I stop, here he is: Kim heechul. The inconstant Kim Heechul.  
**"Na.. Nothing, go take a shower. I made dinner"** I surrender smiling.  
**"I'm not hungry, du bu qi"** He answered neglectfully. I looked at his back entered our room without words.

WHAT THE HELL? I cooked only for him, I waited all day and now the little prince or better Cinderella isn't hungry? Fuck. Really, fuck!  
I damn him in Chinese knocking against the table and slamming myself on the couch.  
My hunger was already left.  
I slept in Siwon empty room that night. I really couldn't stand Hee in that moment.  
At 9 I woke up from a message on the phone. It was him: _be at home for dinner!_ It said.  
I throw the phone on the other bed damning him: now he wanted me to make his dinner? Fuck!

.Hee.

My stomach was continuously rumbling. I was really hungry!  
It was already 1am. I sneaked out the room not making noises. Hangeng was somewhere sleeping so I went in kitchen for eating something.  
There it was. In the refrigerator there was a big box of ice-cream, my favorite flavors: strawberry, cream, mint and nut. I found also eggs rolls in the fridge.  
Hangeng had made it all for me? I really felt horrible. I was extremely selfish.

The day after my phone alarm rang at 7. I had an idea to repay Hang for all.  
Just as I went out I send him a text message and hurried towards my aim.  
Fortunately I knew an old date friend who was working in a Japanese restaurant that agreed to help me. After the common blabbering he kept his promises and helped me make sushi and onigiri.  
That was the first time in my life that I was cooking something for someone else. I really didn't know why but, I seriously wanted to make Hang smile again.  
In the last period there was a strange atmosphere around us and I really hatred it. I also couldn't touch him as times before. During the show, the simply stroke of our hands made my heart beat faster. I couldn't even think on what would happen if I had kissed him.  
At 4pm I send him another text: _-hey, remember to be here tonight! chu~~- ._  
It was really difficult for me to make sushi. Unfortunately my friend only said me what to do so, the presentation wasn't really good at the end but the savour was excellent!  
I cut one of my fingers too while cutting fish.  
Finally I managed to be home at 7. He wasn't there but I prepared the table and seated waiting for him patiently.

My eyes were wet.. I was still in the kitchen, from the windows there wasn't any more light. The clock showed that were 10pm.  
What I was expecting? Actually, from my past behavior, I couldn't expect anything else. In the end, I was nothing to him right? Only a friend, a roommate. Slowly I fell asleep with my head on my arms. I didn't even hear the sound of the door opening.


	4. chapter 4: snuggle

_Chapter 4: snuggle_

.Hang.

I was shocked at first. I thought that he was ill. Then I understood that he was just sleeping.  
I looked around the kitchen, on the table there were Japanese onigiri and sushi, they seems handmade. There were also a small pink card on one of the plates.  
It says: _-Surprise! Sorry Hang! I love u^^ Hee 3 P:S: I also cut my finger so be good if it tastes like blood! -.  
_He did all of that. He really did it for me? Heechul. That Heechul who were sleeping on the table and that had a big band-aid on a finger.  
**"Hee.."** I softly said caressing his hand.. **"Hee, you should not sleep here"** . With not too much effort I lifted him in my arm and took him on the couch. He mumbles something just before waking up.  
**"Uh..! Hang!" **He looked at me with deep sad eyes **"sorry.. I know that yesterday you cook that all for me but I was really too stupid to see that and .. I really, sorry. I am a total dumb. I really didn't want. I hate to quarrel with you!"**

I followed his words with blank eyes. I really didn't understand anything ahead sorry. **"Eh?"** He was just about to repeat when he noticed that he was sitting on me and rushed to stand. I grinned releasing him.  
**".. sorry..for yesterday"** He simply said avoiding my eyes.  
**"You cooked the sushi and the onigiri?"** I asked directly.  
**"Ah.. Yeah.."** He said hiding his hurt finger, **"As excuse"** he explained.  
**"Let's eat then!"** I stood up and went in the kitchen.  
**"But, It's cold and ..well..ok"** I never saw Hee that condescending. I tried first an onigiri. The shape wasn't really good but it tasted perfect!  
**"Mhh.. I like it"** I commented pushing to him my onigiri to try. He shyly made a little bite after setting back his fringe from the eyes.  
I couldn't stop myself on gaze at his lips near my fingers. I removed silently a rice grain that was on his chin.. He became totally red and turned away for drink some water.

**"Hee, really, thanks. That is really good."  
"N-no, prob"** He turned back to himself **"I'm good at everything, you know!"** He commented in Hee-style. I laughed nodding.  
**"Yeah, I know"** I smiled and continued to eat.  
We returned to ourselves. Almost. However there was a bit strange atmosphere around us..  
I looked down..his foot was leaning on the corner of my chair. I bring it on my thigh brushing it softly..  
He seems not to care but I noticed a little thrill in him.  
After eating most of all of the food I proposed to eat the ice-cream. **"We could see a movie.."** I suggested. In my mind the image of us watching a film and eating ice-cream on the couch was a bit more hot than normal.  
Heechul agreed and we both sat on the brown couch with a big glass of ice-cream.

**"I'm going to wear Pj" **He ran to our room and in five minutes he returned with a really big purple t-shirt which didn't cover his knees and his slim legs..A pair of black woolen socks and simple boxer completed the pajamas.  
I bite my tongue for not assault him right there.  
Finally he reached me on the couch and the movie started..  
**"Mmhh.. I love nut~~"** He smiled at me after eating a big spoon of nuts ice-cream..leaning out, he gave me a cold, soft kiss on a cheek. I stared at him wishing to stop the time. Or maybe not.. there was something better to wait for.  
After putting his empty glass on the floor, Hee stretched and, lying down, he put his arms and head on my legs. He remembered me a cat.  
**"You seem Heebum"** smiling I started to brush his hair like I usually do with the grey cat.  
He laughed nodding and staring at the TV. I already lost the plot of the movie but I really didn't care because I could have Hee like that.

**"You're better then a pillow" **He said moving lightly the head. It was another way of touching him. I had never seen him like that with anybody else in the group.  
I didn't really know how he was outside Suju but I knew him: he didn't like to much personal contact with people he doesn't know.  
But at that moment, he was so close to me that I could hear his heartbeat.  
The movie ended but we didn't move. It was as if both of us didn't want to interrupt the moment.  
He just took the remote and chose a child channel with some stupid cartoon. My hand just didn't stop brushing his hair. And it didn't seem like Hee wanted it to stop.  
About 1am my eyes become really heavy and I noticed that also him was half asleep.  
**"Hey.. tired?"** I asked moving my legs and staring at his feature.  
**"Mhh, yeah~~"** He stood up rubbing an eye **"let's go to bed"**. Again, those stupid hot thinks made my ears a bit red.

I followed him silently in the room and started changing. My pj consisted in black boxer and a black undershirt as always.  
**"Bath.."** I suggested going to pee. Hee entered in the bathroom after I was finished, for brushing his teeth next to me.  
That scene was so intimate that I couldn't help to smile like an idiot.  
_**"nWhatn?"**_ He asked while spitting in the sink.  
**"Nah.." **I smiled closing the water and pushing him out of the bath.

**"Nhhh.. I m so tired~~"** Hee yawned and crolled on my futon **"Mhh.. so~~ comfortable".**  
I laughed sitting beside him **"That's mine"** I said pointing out the bed.  
**"Let me sleep here~~"** He moaned gazing me childishly puffing up his cheeks.  
I snorted smiling and started to move to Hee s futon. I would let him sleep in mine but his hand stopped my arm.  
**"Whe' going?"** He asked rolling to me **"stay here~~"** .He wanted me to die, probably. Or to abuse of him, at least. I damned myself to had thinks like those but, really, in the last period I stopped myself of jerking off too many times.  
**"Mh, but"** I didn't really know what to say **"Sure?"** I asked hoping for a no .  
He didn't answer; he just took my left hand and pulled me under the blanket. The sheets were cold but my body was about to burn when my feet collided to his. We both hadn't socks so I could feel his skin leaning to mine.  
He fixed up the pillow and our heads went really close. I could feel his breath.  
I remained in silence listening our own breath and scent. Softly I rolled on my right hip looking at him.. His eyes were close but his right arm moved silently and hold my body slightly. I breathed out and clinged his slim figure..  
I didn't really know what was happening but I was so relaxed that I fell asleep just after saying **"night Hee.."**.


	5. chapter 5: hurt

_Chapter 5: hurt_

.Hee.

The evening was different from what I had expected. From the kitchen to the couch it was like I (or we?) needed to remain in contact with the other's body. Selfishly I didn't think about consequences of my action and freely stood by Hang side like I wanted.  
Again, in our room, I followed only my desire and forgot the thin line between friendship and love.  
**"Whe' going?"** I blurted out without thinking and stopping him. **"stay here~~"** I added making it jokily.  
He just _**"sure?"**_ me and my arm moved alone. I pulled him into the bed next to me. Yeah, I noticed also his feet brushing mine and instinctively I hugged him.  
Saying **"night Hee"** Hang fell asleep after awhile but I didn't. I was definitely awake. My body was. In a way that didn't happen since much time ago.  
In the end, I managed to stop my mind and sleep around 3am. That, after looking at Hang relaxed face for about an hour..

Only 6 hours later noises in the flat woke me up. I focused my eyes and found Hang still asleep. I smiled brushing off from his cheek some of his white hair.. He snorted and closed his soft lips just before opening the brown eyes. There, we stared in each other's eyes for a silent minute..  
**"Hi.."** he whispered smiling completely relaxed.. I wasn't really sure how I was: my hair was probably a complete mess and my face too. Hiding my mouth and my possibly terrible breath I finally said **"hi..".** My body was freeze.  
He shook his head a bit and seems to notice something; Fastly he sat up in the bed looking at the blanket. I did the same worried that he would scream to me because I was hugging him..  
**"Is all..ok?"** I asked **"Are you sick? k k k.. you have a face!"** I laugh for minimize the embarrass. He turned to me oddly smiling and waving the head..  
**"Nh.. I..Mh. Bath"** He blurted out and literaly run off the bed and the room.  
I just remained speechless staring at the empty, but still warm, space in the bed next to me. I was sad, really, that definitely wasn't what I was expecting from the morning.  
He didn't return to the room, I neither, went to search for him. I simply bring my body to the kitchen.  
He was here. Hang looked guiltily at me and budged fastly to the sink. I stood there staring at his back until the rage brings me to throw to him a pillow that was on the chair next to me.  
He turned shocked looking at me and shook his head **"Heechul?"** _*You're an idiot, u know?*_ I really wanted to say him those words but, at the end, I started laughing falsely.  
**"I'm hungry! What are you making?"** Yes, I was back at my old self. Yes, I was ignoring the pain in my chest. Yes, he didn't seem offended by that.  
**"Oh well. Breakfast: soft kimchi and eggroll"** He answered relaxed. Clearly he wanted to erase the night with me.

One week later, our life had returned to the normality.  
We all were in Korea, Seoul, and our promotional activities kept on. I was also busy with my drama so, luckily, I hadn't too much time for thinking.  
With Hang was like nothing happened, like he didn't remember that day and that night. Instead, me and my body remembered it very clearly every single night.  
Anyway I returned the older funny hyung that joke with him and that ask for food every day. I hatred it.

Almost a month had passed and that rainy day I was in a crowded backstage room. There were also 2pm and SHINee, we all knows each other since some months along. I didn't really like their _-10 out of 10-_ but _-again and again-_ was gorgeous. I liked also their masculine style and their image as beasty idols. A category that would never be mine.  
I was listening at Shindong and Wooyoung speaking about Star King when I noticed that Key was talking with Hang.  
I couldn't hear what were they saying but I noticed Jonghyun staring at them. Key had already told me that he was hell in love with his hyung so I really didn't worry about him and Hangeng. Instead, probably Jonghyun was worried because he approached the duo and interrupted their speech.  
Hang left those two visibly embarrassed and came to me smiling.  
**"Hey"** he said sitting next to me on a table. I smiled automatically and looked at him. He was totally in black: dark skinny pants, black shirt and two leather cuffs. _So~~ sexy_. Really.  
**"Let's take a photo"** I proposed taking my phone and setting it little higher than us for a self pick photo. I felt him posing and I took the picture.  
**"Let see.."** He commented taking my hand and the phone. I just released it before my breath went away totally.  
**"That's good" **He said smiling and sent it to his phone by Bluetooth, **"I will put it on my Cyworld".  
"Yeah, me too."** I answered looking another time at the pictures. Why couldn't I have him like this every moment..right next to me.. ?

**"Chuuuuullieee!"** I heard a familiar voice and I lifted my head happily, I recognized HongKi immediatly. He came smiling hugging me, **"Well well, where were u?u desapper!"**.  
I laughed messing up his bright hair and scrolling my shoulders **"After Japan I had drama and TV u know"**.  
He nodded and finally noticed Hang that was staring at us **"Ah!Hangeng, how are you?" **He speaks slowly also if I already told him that Hang really could understand Korean!  
**"Fine, thanks."** Hang answered little coldly before leaving us alone.  
**"Hey.. u aren't helping me u know?" **I commented glaring at HongKi. He knew about how I feel for the Chinese but he wasn't really in agreement. However he was my best friend.


	6. chapter 6: status quo

_Chapter 6: status quo_

.Hang.  
Damn, I really can't stand him! Always _*hug* always *kiss*_.. Damn damn damn. That HongKi.  
At first he was funny but now, from a couple of months, he was only annoying. And Hee always smile when he is with him.  
I left those two and went to the restroom. I looked in the mirror.. My black circles were covered with makeup and my hair more white than ever.. and my mind? It was blank too.  
I was a coward. I refused to face the fact that maybe Hee wanted me that night. Wanted me near to him like I did.  
But that was absolutely wrong. Until those were only my imagination it was ok but.. that morning my body was awfully wake! In a way that Hee could take as perverted!

If something had happened.. I would be definitely a..gay? No. It's him. Only for him.  
I had those doubts since I saw Hee for the first time. I remembered it clearly in my mind .. soft and long hair, dark and mysterious eyes, thin and tender body. He was a bit shy when approached mine Chinese young self.  
I was only a brat with so many dreams that I just looked at him with envy at the start. Then those feeling transformed in admiration and then, seeing him trying his best and giving heart and soul in his acting and on the stage I definitely became more and fascinated by him.  
And then? Was that love?  
My eyes returned to my figure in the mirror in front of me. What I was thinking? I already knew the answer.

I returned to the backstage just in time for the show. SHINee had already finished and it was our turn.  
On the stage we performed our alchemy as ever. I smiled to ours fans forgetting all of the rest and dancing all I've got.  
**"Kamsammidaa~~ we're Super Junior! Ao!"** . It was finished already. I damned the too short song. My mind was already full with thinks.  
I saw Hee with HongKi again. He waved at me "**Hang!Hang!"** I approached them.. **"we're going to eat out, want to come?"**.  
He seems sincerely happy about the invite so I accepted.

Obviously we had to disguise ourselves until we reach the restaurant. HongKi knew the owner so we had a private table on one side.  
**"Ahh.. like real star! K k k!"** laughed Hee taking the menu and staring at it. I lifted to him for reading it: **"Let me see"**.  
**"Mhh.. what do u want?"** He asked me punting at some interesting plates. **"I like this..this..and..this.".  
"We could split two"** I proposed noticing the glare from HongKi. He interrupted us **"we could split in three".**  
In the end we ordered four plates and splitted it with each other. For an instant it remembered me my family. My friends. So far away.. However the night went smooth.

Some days passed.  
All were laughing. It was sometimes that all 13 didn't relax together. We were in the Dorm 1 were all (besides me, Heechul and Kibum) lived.  
We had a different dorm because of different activities: Kibum and Heechul had drama and theatre activities that needed concentration and me.. well.. I decided to continue living with Hee. We always had divided a room so, it was more comfortable. At least.. It was the excuse.  
Anyway, we all gathered in the big living room and ate together and played some stupid games. We also did the crackers-game in which, of course, I hadn't to do it with Hee.  
Yeah, I wanted to do it with him but, I was sorted of with Siwon. And again, Siwon was picked with Hee.  
I felt Siwon lips against mine when he took the crackers, the other were streaming and laughing. Hee was too, I could hear him. Siwon smiled to me but I ignored it, I didn't feel anything.  
Then was their turn. Siwon lifted to him slowly as he knows what I was thinking. Heechul inclined towards him and took the crackers. I heard the sound of it breaking but didn't look at them. I pretended to be thirsty and went to the kitchen.  
I was drinking some water when I felt something touching my shoulder, **"Hyung?" **Leeuteuk was glaring at me serious.  
**"Don't take it to heart. It's a game" **He said only and leaves the room. _-Yeah, I know that-_ I blabbed at myself.  
**"U knows what?"** I startled turning to Heechul. He was sober. He didn't like to drink with all the other members. We drink alone generally.  
**"Bu- nhh.. Na- nothing ."** I was a bit tired for the long day so I yawned.  
** "I want to go home"** he said childishly grabbing my arm, **"womenquba~~!"** he talked in Chinese again. I love him more every time he did that.  
**"Your Chinese is improving"** I commented patting on his head causing him to fix his hair. We returned in the living room.  
**"nnhh~~!Guys we're going home~~! Kibummie?Are u coming?" **He wave at a half dead Kibum on the couch. He was obviously not coming home.  
After the greets we left the building. Our small flat was on the other side of the street, about 100m. It was raining a little so we ran the way, Hee took my hand inside his **"My hair! is gonna be a mess! Faster!".** Obviously I ran slowly to stay at his step.  
In the elevator he mirrored himself and then glance at me, **"I want to drink Soju".**

**"There is not" **There were only two bottle and those weren't enough for us and for him to relax totally. I knew it.  
**"Nhh~~.. Ok"**. At Home we changed ourselves in the Pj and than climbing to our own beds. I yawned again and stare at him doing so.

**"I'm tired~~"** He moaned rolling under his blanket with hair still a bit wet and his typical pink Pj **"Hannie, sing me a lullaby".  
**I looked at him surprised. **"A lullaby? I don't know any"** I answered.  
**"Even in Chinese? I love when you sing in Chinese.."** He complimented me only to have what he wanted. And there he had I started singing a slow motive that I remembered. **"My mom sang it for me when I was little every night..".**

_**- .. shine shine my precious star.. shining and bighting all the world.. -  
**_I finished it and without realizing there were some tears in my eyes.  
I felt a soft hand leaning on my cheek and brushing them off.. **"Sorry.. Do you miss them so much.."** It wasn't a question. He knew it.  
I shook my head slightly in his hand and stared at him, **"xi xi"** I murmured before pulling him to me. He was standing so my head lean on his stomach and my hand were around his hips.  
He brushed my hair and after a while I returned to reality. I had to release him or I would lose my control.  
**"Time to sleep.."** I said moving back from his body.  
He stared at me being silent and then returned to his bed, **"Night.."**


	7. chapter 7: secondary road

_Chapter 7: secondary road_

.Hee.

I saw his eyes going wet and damned myself. Obviously he missed his family.  
He pulls me, hugging my hips.. my hands went to his hair..I brushed them slowly and softly, I could feel his breath on my stomach..  
**"Time to sleep..".** His words interrupted my daydreams and I returned to my bed;**"Night..".**

After that day, some months passed strangely but quietly: between me and Hang a new balance was created. He often hangs out with me and HongKi when I had time between drama and TV programms.  
The other members had all busy schedules but Hang was also stressed out because he couldn't see his family and Chinese friends. He really relied on me couple of times, while drinking soju, telling me his frustration. I felt helpless often. I wanted to hug him, make him feel better but.. I was too afraid of being pulled aside that I ignored my feeling..again.  
At that time I also found the time to practice my guide-skills. I didn't drive for too much time so I used all the opportunities to do it. I also took Kibum to his schedule one or two times.

A rainy and dour day, all the members went to Donghae's father funeral and I headed back to Seoul earlier than them because of a radio program. The highway was too crowded so I decided to take a secondary road but, while getting out the highway, a blue car started to slide because of the water; trying to avoid it another car collided to mine and I lost control of the car shocked.  
I crashed onto the crash-barrier and being knocked against airbag and steering-wheel.  
I heard screaming and yelling before losing my senses. Fortunately the ambulance arrived soon and the paramedics wake me up and extracted me out the damaged car. I felt so much pain that my eyes were full of tears. I could see people taking photo of me and I was desperate, how would I turn out? Bloody and scratched?  
In the ambulance they make me sleep and finally I the pain stopped.

I was waked by noise. After my eyes clarify I noticed my manager next to a doctor and a nurse. They said that I fractured my left leg in five places, including femur, knee, and ankle, requiring surgery for six hours. I also had a tear in my tongue which required stitches. I tried to answer them but my throat hurt so much and my voice couldn't come out. I really wanted to cry myself out.  
After the shocking revelation tears couldn't stop coming out so, preventing a shock-attack, they sedate me and I returned to sleep.

**"Leeuteuk stop..You're not helping him like this".** I heard Siwon scolding the leader and I woke up coughing. Seven pair of eyes focused on me instantly.  
**"HYUNG!"** I heard Ryeowook scream and I noticed the worry on his face. Right next to him there was Eunhyuk with a crying Leeuteuk in his arms..  
**"..ehi - what a face..I'm that bad? k k...cough"** I tried to laugh but my voiced cracked and my throat burnt causing his to cry more.  
Smiling tired I looked at the present: along with Ryeo, Hyuk and leader there were Siwon, Kyuhyun, Donghae and Shindong. He wasn't here. My eyes went teary but I stopped myself on crying.  
**"..Hang?"** I asked looking at Siwon. He kept quiet for two seconds and shook his head.. **"He.."**  
**"He had schedule"** Interrupted Leeuteuk hitting Siwon.  
**"Oh- okay-".** The topic changed as fastly as depression found me. I listen to the others superficially and slowly left myself drowning in sadness. Pain was much better than that.  
I never felt that way before. Along with the physical pain there was another feeling.. strong and constant. Like something grinding to my lungs.

The day after I woke up early because of thirst. I slowly take the bottle of water but I couldn't open it. I retry and retry but..nothing. My strength has left me.  
Angry I threw the bottle away just when the door of the room opened.  
**"Hee?"** I freeze. He looked so tired and worried. He picked up the water looking at me carefully.  
**"You want to drink?".** He dind't come near the bed, he was still standing next to the door. I nodded and watched him going out of the room.

_**"Jwe song hahm nida" **_He excused. **"I should have come yesterday.."**. Hang was sitting beside my bed, he didn't look at me once time. **"Why- you didn't c-come?" **Fresh water makes my throat hurt less. **"You had schedule?"**  
Finally he lifted up his head, his eyes were red. **"No. I did not."** Ah. What marvelous new wave of pain shook my head. I stared at my hand without saying anything.  
**"I.."** He stood up and took my hand in a blink of an eye**. "I.. didn't want to see you like this.. this.. hurt me so much that.. I really couldn't ..."** .. His words were interrupted by a knock on the door.  
**"Hey! Chull!"** a worried HongKi ran to my bed and hugged me, **"I was so worried.."** he was nearly going to cry.. Hang was staring to him like he was a ghost.  
**"Don't cry- Teuk already did for all of you.. k k k-cough"** I laughed weakly and looked at Hangeng.  
He was completely mute and he was torturing his own hands. HongKi probably noticed it because he took Hang out of the room **"We're going to buy some hot tea for you.."** He said.


	8. chapter 8: horrible

_Chapter 8: horrible_

.Hang.

HongKi stared at me just after we got out the room. **"Are you stupid?" **He shook his head.  
**"What?"** I glared at him.  
**"What!** **Are you insane? Did you see how he is? He is your best friend damn! How could you didn't come yesterday?"** He blurted all out half-screaming.  
**"How do you know?"** He was there yesterday?  
"**Others told me so. And they told me that he asked about you. And you weren't there"** He seems really angry but my mind was too busy to make me angry too. **"If..If I was you I already had understand what he want! What he need!"** He punched the wall **"We're best friends but he only speak about you! Understand! He needs you beside him in a positive way. You hurt him so much that I can't comprehend why. If you're going to be a fucking coward just leave!"**  
He pressed me to the wall with a hand. He was taller than me but not that strong. However I didn't reply.  
**"Let me out"** I said, **"Now. Let me out".**  
He snorted "**You are an idiot. Chul deserve much more than you"**, he said. My mind went out. He was telling me what? He really thinks that I didn't know it!  
I pushed abruptly him off, **"Shut the hell up! You don't know anything!"**.

"**You're just a fucking coward"**  
I couldn't stop myself. I punch him on his cheek strong enough to make his bang against the opposite wall. That was all he was expecting, He punch me too on the face. Some nurse comes to stop us and he left.  
I blurted out some excuse and went to take a damned tea for Hee.  
**"what? what happen-ed?"** He stared at me shocked. I could sense blood taste in my mouth. My bottom lips were bleeding. He tried to stand up in the bed but the heavy chalk on his leg hindered it.  
**"Nothing. I fell-"** I gave him the tea and help him with the pillow silently. **"Hee, listen"** my voice trembles a bit **"I..I wanted to come yesterday. But.."  
"No problem.."** I lifted my head and meet his eyes. He was crying? **"what..?"**  
**"Sorry.. I.."** he trembles and tried to hide his sighs **"I was..so scared".**  
There he was. A crying and fragile Kim Heechul. My heart ripped and I pull him slowly to me. He hugged me tightly sobbing in my shirt. That was the first time that I could see him like this. It really reaps my heart in pieces.  
Thinking about him in that car, alone in the night and in the ambulance..  
**"I'm sorry.. really.. " **I just repeated hugging him.

**"I'm a complete mess!"** he complained making me laugh.  
Hee was studying his own image at the mirror of the elevator of the hospital. He had his leg chalked, one of his wrist bended and a big blue livid on his right cheek. Some other small bruises were slightly visible on his pale skin.  
**"You just have an accident!"** I smiled trying to comfort him.  
**"But.. My hairs are horrible! How can I be seeing like this?"** he nervously touched his hair.  
We arrived in the main hall and he left the wheelchair and took the crutch. I heard him complain abut those too.  
Manager and Leeuteuk were waiting for us with the car for took us home.  
**"Hyung!"** The leader came to us smiling and hugging Heechul **"I'm glad to see you walking!"**  
I knew how Hee felt about it and I slightly shook my head looking at Teuk. He understood me and finally we got in the car.


	9. chapter 9: oblio

_Chapter 9: oblio_

.Hee.

First days out of hospital were oblio. I just had to stay at home all the time.  
Sleeping, reading, watching TV, playing videogames. That was all. I was bored to death. Plus, the others were busy preparing for the live promotion for the album so, I was alone for most of the time.  
Only one thing was positive and in that moment I was preparing for it. Hang would be at home in 15 minutes and I was slowly combing my hair. They had grown long and, strangely, they were of my natural dark brown.  
I stared at my reflection: the minor bruises were healed but under my right eyes a sallow livid still was visible.

The sound of the door closing wake me up and I ,fastly as my chalk permitted, went to the living room.  
**"Hey.."** he smiled at me taking off his jacket.  
**"Ni hao"** I said staring at his smile and waiting for him to make a move. There still was some embarrassment about the fact that he helped me washing all evening. Yeah, that's it. That was the thing I was so self-conscious and that I waited for all the day. How stupid I was?  
**"You ready for the bath?"** He asked like every single time looking a bit awkward.  
I knew that he didn't like it but, selfishly, I pretended to need help to wash myself. Not that it wasn't true but.. I just enjoyed the fact that Hang was taking care of me. I simply arrived at that point of desperation.

In the bathroom the manager had installed an handrail to help me enter in the bathtub. The hot water started to flow down filling the room with condensation. Hang used some bath soap to coloring and bubble-ing the warm water while I was taking off my clothes. The change was already on the shelves: a pair of light linen trousers and a long sleeve t-shirt.  
Hang, taking my hand, help me enter in the big bath. His hands were as hot as the water on my skin, every day was the same story. I just couldn't stop myself on thinking of his hands on my body.  
**"I'm turning, enter slowly!"** He said finally turning around. The towel left my hips and lay down on the floor.  
**"Done"** I looked at him searching for the sponge, **"Sorry Hannie.."  
**He stopped glaring at me quite smiling **"Again? I told you there's no problem! Stop with all those **_**sorry, sorry**_**"** He laughed pushing me a bit down in the water.  
**"Nhh.. Hannng!"** Shoving off his hand, I sliced on the side and completely fell onto his shoulders. Obviously I flooded him and the floor! Damn my stupid being! **"k k k sorry"** I chuckled.  
**"You! You are supposed to be sick!"** Hangeng, laughing push me back and started to splash waves of bubble water onto me.  
**"Ehi! My hairs!"** I pouted trying to stop him. **"Ouch!"** An improvise sharp pain in my left knee immobilize me. Hang, alarmed stopped.  
**"What? Something hurts?"** He seems really worried. I just shook my head and rub down my leg.  
**"Just the knee.. Sometimes. Don't worry ok?"** Lies. It hurted all the time. But Hang had enough about him. **"I can finish by myself now, xi xi"** I smiled convincing.  
**"Call me when you finish. I'll help you"** Hang went out the bathroom silently. I really couldn't understand if he hates the fact that he helps me. In the last days he seems just sad.  
Sinking into the bathtub I just couldn't stop myself of thinking about one word: pity. That was a thing that my past self would never even pronounce. Love makes people fragile.

.Hang.

Finally I took a long breath. Standing on the bath's door I relaxed a little before going to my room. After changing in my home clothes, I lied down on the bed huffing. How many days were passed? How many days exactly like today? Hurrying all the hours for one moment. After the door, him waiting. Then his naked body, his pale skin, his neck with wet long dark hairs..  
_**"Shit"**_ Again. Again. Daily torture. That was it. I could barely explain how much I want Hee.  
My cellphone rang out waking me up**. "Hello?"**  
**"Hangkyung."** The manager greeted in a simple way **"how's Heechul?"** That's it. Every day the same question.  
**"I think that is better but earlier.."**  
**"Good. So we can prepare his comeback. The fans will be excited"** That bastard money-eater.  
**"I think it's too early"** I repeated.  
**"Well, an idol has to endure it."** With that the manager closed the phone call. I kept silent for an instant, staring at my LG, without words. That damn society. Money was more important than people?  
More than Hee?

**"Hee?"** Slightly knocking to the door, I went in the bath before the answer.  
**"Heechul!"** My mind stopped. He was reverse in the bathtub with his eyes closed and with skin as pale as a ghost.  
Tell me that he only fainted. God. If you are there..  
Shaking him carefully, I raise his body out of the water wrapping him in a warm towel. **"Hee?"**  
**"Nnng?"** Slowly opening the eyes Hee looked at me confused, **"Hangeng? What?",** covering his naked body he stares at me blankly.  
**"I think you fainted, are you ok now?"** I asked him hugging his body. He was trembling. He could have drowned.  
**"Mhh.. I think I fall asleep"** Mumbled Hee softly.  
In my arms, I could feel his thin body and all his pale and porcelain skin; for a couple of minute he holds onto me while restoring his breathes. His fragrance intoxicating me and tempting my body.  
**"Here. Stand up"** Helping him, we went to the room. After the shock he started acting normally but, I was destroyed.

Sitting on my bed, trying to figure out what was going around my head, I observed Heechul. He was combing his hair while singing to a Trax'song. Kim Heechul the imperishable.  
**"What's wrong? K k k I'm ok Hannie. Don't worry!"** he said jeering me.  
**"I was nearly to a heart attack! You should be careful."** I smiled throwing him a stuffed giraffe, **"manager wants to organize your comeback"**. I blurted out.  
**"Uh." **He didn't seems too surprised, **"I thought so. But well, I'm the king of the universe. I have to do it"** added.  
Shaking my head I answered firmly: **"I think it's too early. Your leg is not ok**". Plus, he just collapsed in the bathroom!  
He stood up looking at me earnestly. **"I just can't stay here and wait"**.  
**"Just rest for 2 weeks!"** I know that for him that wasn't simple. **"Just wait like these days here." **I concluded.  
He went to the door shaking his head; just before going out he whispered a simple sentence that was harsh as a punch.  
**"Well.. I'm tired of waiting. ****Especially for you. You don't even care.****"**


	10. chapter 10: rehab

_Chapter 10: __rehab_

.Hee.

How can't he understand that I can't stay anymore, **"I just can't stay here and wait"**.  
**"Just rest for 2 weeks, just wait like these days here." **Replied Hang staring at me with a strange look in his eyes. Pity? Was that feeling? Was pity that make he said those things? I, Kim Heechul, famous singer, actor and radio speaker, being looking up and down?  
I went to the door shaking a little. What there was wrong in wanting to comeback?  
**"Well.. I'm tired of waiting. ****Especially for you. You don't even care.****" **I blurted out in my usually harsh and pedantic way. Of course I noticed his hurt eyes but, I just closed the door and slowly went to the living room.  
Why did we have to share the room? I only wanted to stay in my little, black bubble alone.

After awhile I heard footstep from upstairs and Hangeng came down.  
**"Your phone."** He said coldly. In his hand my cell phone was ringing; taking it, I didn't even look at him.  
**"Hello? Ah.. Manager Hyung"** His call didn't surprise me. He asked if I was thinking on starting the rehearse for my comeback. **"When will it be?"** I simply asked, knowing that the date was already decided.  
**"I can start practice tomorrow. Yes, I'll wait for the car. Komapsumnida".** Starting from the day after, I would have 2 weeks for completely recover.  
I closed my phone and lifted my gaze on Hang. He was still there.  
**"You are just an idiot. You don't have to demonstrate nothing"** he said might narked.  
**"You don't know anything about what I have to do."** I snapped. Just leave me my pride at least.  
**"The thing I don't know is why you have to be so fucking asshole. Just stop acting the great Kim Heechul sometimes." **With that he left the apartment.  
**"As if it's simple."** I am like this. Nothing much to do. This is my way to survive, in all situations, as a victor.

My alarm clock started at 7:00 AM. Just as said a car was waiting for me outside the building. Getting aboard I looked at the street and at the other's dorm. Hang where there in the night?  
Not without difficulty I settle my clanked leg in the car and blatantly closed the door.** "Let's go."**  
In the practice room, the manager, the singing teacher and the choreographer were waiting. After a brief conversation my recovery program started.  
**"That's our Heechul! We were expecting this from you. That's a star!" **also praised the manager. Expectation. Of course. As always.  
My daily routine forecasted a voice reinforcement program, leg rehabilitation and 5 hours-a-day of practices.  
For the concert was established that Leeuteuk, Sungmin, Shindong, Eunhyuk, Donghae, Kangin and me would be singing 'Don't Go Away'.. The other would be dancing all the song and I would be at the end for about 2-3 minutes.  
However.. It hurts. All the time, my leg wouldn't respond to my orders and just gave me sharp pain.

**"Hyung. I think it's not good for you like this.."** Eunhyuk seems really worried. That day we practiced together and I simply couldn't do more than 5 steps.. Leeuteuk already spoke with me the day before.  
**"k k k, u worry too much!"** I lied stubborn, "It's just that the chalk is heavy.. Tomorrow they will remove it from my leg".  
Leeuteuk and Eunhyuk shared a gaze to each others. **"It's too early!"** Screamed both.  
**"Too early what?"**  
His voice paralyzed me for an instant. There were 8 days since I saw Hang. I turned away searching for my bottle of water. Dripping some on my pink t-shirt I waited for what he would be saying.  
**"Tomorrow will remove his chalk, but it's too early!" **repeated Eunhyuk to Hangeng.  
**"What?"**  
After a rushing sound someone took my hand firmly. I knew it was him. It was absurd how I simply recognize his touch. His strong grip made my arms hurt. **"What the hell!"** Snapped him glaring at me. His face was right in front of my eyes; his gaze could burn me for his anger. **"You know it's too early!"**.  
Trying to release my forearm I back off a little, **"Release me, it hurts damn!"**. Ignoring me he increased the grip.  
**"Come with me."** Said Hang sweeping me along with him out of the room.

.Hang.

I never felt this angry before. After pulling him out, I shoved him against the locker.  
He massaged his wrist glaring at me. **"It hurts idiot. What the hell!"**  
Breathe. Relax a little. Like this he isn't gonna listen to you. **"Heechul."** I named clearly. He shook his head ignoring me.  
**"I don't want to fight again."** I disclosed peacefully. **"I'm sorry if I said something wrong the last time"**. Both of us, standing there a meter away from each other, kept silent. His shoulders started to loosen up and his gaze join mine.  
**"There are expectations."** He said lowering his voice. **"Expectation that I HAVE to fulfill."**  
**"Why?"**  
He tilted and sighted staying mute. Wavering I reach him and held him into my arms. I could smell his flavor. His hairs were perfumed like vanilla and his breath warmed up my neck.  
**"Everybody just wants you to heal. You're human, as all of us"** I whispered. If Hee would continue with that stupid idea, I would be going to the manager and beat the hell out of him until he would change mind.  
**"But the comeback.."** he surrenders finally..  
**"You can do it but, not this way. You can sing, that's more than enough for your fan!"** And for me.  
Heechul gently drifted apart from my body. His hand slide into mine lightly and tighten. **"I think that.. I'm not capable of dancing on the comeback."** Acknowledged him.  
Knowing how much proud was him; I brushed his hairs and kissed his forehead.  
**"And.. I do care. Don't forget it."**

Heechul left me alone in the locker room after some minutes. He needed to talk to the manager and asked Leeuteuk to accompany him; the leader would be helpful to clarify the situation.  
Heavy steps intruded in my loneliness.  
**"Seems things worked out man."** Kangin seated beside me and pat strongly on my back; He had talked with me before about the quarrel with Heechul. Even though I didn't tell him my feelings, he understood the situation; also he had had to face up his homosexuality towards Leeuteuk. _**– It's not really about gender, ya know. U can try anybody else but it's him no matter what. Fullstop - **_.  
**"Yeah. Thanks."** I smiled frankly.  
**"You decided? It's not like he'll wait forever, ya know."** Commented again.  
I nodded and stood up. I already knew that. Heechul himself had said so: - Well.. I'm tired of waiting. Especially for you. - . Without giving an answer, I left the room and went back to the dorm. I need to collect my stuff and return to my real home. Heechul's home.

My clock showed 9:43 PM. I searched around the room Hee' stuff. His iPod was lying onto the bed over a manhwa; stretching out I grabbed both and, while listening to his last playlist, I started reading casually. The volume was number 13 so the plot were a little confusing; I ended up just looking at the drawing style.  
**"U like it?".** Surprised I shock a little.  
**"nhh.. I was just looking at the drawing"** passing him the little book and the mp3 player we touch each other hand. As an idiot I slightly jolted like the character in that stupid manhwa. How old was I? 16teen?  
He laughed and called me child while trying to slip off his converse.  
**"So? The manager?"** I asked bending down to help him with the strings.  
**"He seems a little bothered but ****Teukie helped as always. He really is the leader."** He chuckled. The manager had decided to leave Heechul singing in a moving platform on the stage where he could stand still. I was really relived, the next morning he wouldn't take off the chalk.  
After awhile Hee stopped in front of me with a serious look in the eyes. **"I'll demonstrate you that I'm a world superstar also with a chalk. So.. You have to be in the audience and look at me all the time."** He grinned stubbornly.  
**"I'll be there Princess. You be sure of taking the crown"** I joked nodding.  
Smiling he set off for the bath. Before disappearing from the door he looked at me slightly embarrassed: **"Thank you Hannie."  
**My heart beats stronger for a bit; how could his eyes be that clear? Even if things between us weren't smooth in the last period, I thought that we really came to be always more intimate.  
Silly, I found myself contemplating the idea of us together after the show of his comeback. With Heechul still in stage's clothes, I would be saying him that he's beautiful. I would give him my present and, slowly, we would kiss as..  
**"Hang!"** My eyes opened instantly **"wear Pj and go sleeping! You're drooling k k k !" **He mocked me slipping under the blanket.  
I smiled. Just six days ahead..

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_author POV: thanks for the reviews and for comments (:  
some chapter are shorter because I think that give good tension at the plot. Hope you'll continue reading it.  
ria_


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